


Heaven is a Place

by HeavenlyMess



Series: Heaven is a Place, This is a Place [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Frerard, M/M, My Chemical Romance Break Up, Oneshot, current frerard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:47:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28892358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenlyMess/pseuds/HeavenlyMess
Summary: After the breakup of the band, Frank tries to move on. Now he works at Starbucks and has a normal life.Then Gerard comes back to his life.
Relationships: Frank Iero & Gerard Way, Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Frank Iero/Jamia Nestor
Series: Heaven is a Place, This is a Place [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2118864
Comments: 10
Kudos: 35





	Heaven is a Place

It had been raining all day.

And Frank hated rainy days. They only made him even more depressed than he was.

Fuck, he still missed Gerard even after all these years.

He stared at the window, pretending to clean the counter, trying not to think about the day Gerard was drunk as hell in the middle of Warped Tour, standing in the rain, just enjoying it. Or that day in London when their bus broke down and they were standing in the rain.

‘Hey,’ a voice called from somewhere. He almost forgot he was in the middle of his shift, and a young woman was waiting to be served. ‘Can I have a tall mocha latte, please?’

‘Sure.’ Frank ringed her up, and started making her coffee.

‘Oh my god! Aren’t you that dude from that band?’ the woman said, blushing in excitement. Frank tried to pretend he didn’t hear. She wasn’t the first one to recognize him, obviously, but he had left that life in the past. Now, he was just Frank, barista at Starbucks.

‘I’m sorry?’ he asked, playing dumb.

‘Yes, it’s you. My Chemical Romance!’

He faked a smile. There was no way to deny it. He looked different now. His hair shorter than what people remembered, the scruff. But the tattoos were too recognizable. And there was a nametag on his shirt that said Frank. Anyone who was even a casual fan could put two and two together. ‘Shh,’ he whispered with a finger pressed to his lips. ‘Just don’t tell anyone, okay? I’m not longer that guy, and I’m just trying to be normal.’

The girl nodded. ‘Can I at least have an autograph?’ Frank gladly signed her notebook, and she left. It had been four years since the band broke up, and he felt he couldn’t escape it, no matter how much he tried.

Not that he hated it or his time playing guitar and being a rockstar. He loved every minute of it, and he knew he was the luckiest motherfucker when he got invited to be part of his favorite band, and all the success they had. And he loved the guys more than anything.

But it hurt a lot too. When they broke up. Not sure if he wanted to keep making music. The depression that followed. And not being with Gerard.

That was what hurt the most.

Gerard held him together since the moment they met. He didn’t know how, especially when they were both fucked up back then. But being there for each other when they needed it the most, sharing so many moments together, being in a band together. Falling in love. Sleeping in his arms in his bunk. Helping him get sober. Going through all the crazy shit that was The Black Parade, and how it almost broke Frank once before when they took that break. Getting back together, and keeping their relationship a secret now that they had families. And still, one day, Gerard couldn’t take any more of it. The fame, the pressure of a new album, raising a kid at the same time. It destroyed Gerard too, and he decided to break up. Both with Frank and the band.

So Frank preferred not to think about any of that, as much as he could.

It had taken him a while, but he enjoyed his life as a dad, working a normal job, and coming home to Jamia. At first, he wasn’t sure what to do. After the band and everything that happened, he wanted a job where he didn’t have to think about it the entire day or where his whole life revolved around it so much. He thought about being a mailman for a while, and he even applied at the post office, but they never called, so he got a job at Barnes & Noble. It was more about feeling useful than the money, and he got a discount on books, so that was a plus. But then, kids found out Frank from My Chemical Romance worked there, and would show up just to take pictures, until his boss politely asked him to quit. So he started working at Starbucks.

He was starting to clean his station, leaving it ready for the next shift, it was two p.m. and except for a couple students who had been sitting there for hours, and the occasional mom getting her Frappuccino fix, it was dead.

And just then, he heard it. Out of nowhere. The famous G note, followed by Gerard’s voice. _Fuck._ Could Frank get a fucking break? He took a breath, hoping no one had noticed his reaction, but he just had to laugh. And he knew the customers had noticed too. Shaking his head, he started singing to the chorus, and they sang with him. ‘We carry on, motherfucker,’ he whispered to himself, as he walked to the back for more almond milk. ‘We carry on.’

When his shift was over, he picked up the girls from school, and then went to get Miles from daycare. He cooked them mac ‘n cheese, and listened to them telling him stories, and having weird conversations about the most random things. As proud as he was of all the music he made, this was his biggest accomplishment. These three little demons who called him dad.

Soon, Jamia came home from work, and they all sat to eat, and started a burping contest at Miles’ request. And despite everything, he couldn’t deny he was happy.

‘Who wants to go for a walk?’ he asked, and the kids cheered in unison. ‘Well, help me with your plates and we’ll get your coats.’ While the kids did as told, and also getting a leash for their puppy Lois. In the meantime, Frank and Jamia did the dishes. ‘How was work?’ he asked.

‘Ugh, dreadful. As usual. A meeting that could have been an email. Nothing interesting.’ She started to put the leftovers away. The kids were then ready to go outside, so Frank took them out for a walk, while Jamia took a shower. And when they were back, he let them go play videogames, and sat with his wife to watch TV. He lay in her lap, as she stroke his hair, and they stayed quiet for a moment. Frank missed when they’d talk for hours, joke about the same shit. But he figured after ten years married, this is what it came to. It didn’t mean they didn’t love each other anymore, they were just in a new stage of their relationship where their lives may not be as interesting, but enjoyed the domesticity and being parents, so sometimes silence was so much appreciated.

And after a long day, Frank dozes off in her lap.

***

Every morning, he woke up at four in the morning, served himself a cup of coffee and got in the shower. He took the dogs outside to the backyard while he drank his coffee and got ready for work.

He got in the car and listened to Black Flag, singing to their songs, and drove to work. He started opening, barely awake himself, putting on his best smile for the customers. He knew the job was shitty, and most of the time, he thought about quitting. But he’d have to find something else to do, and he really had no idea what that would be.

Before picking the girls up from school, he stopped at the grocery store. He wasn’t the best cook, but he enjoyed finding vegetarian recipes that the kids would eat too. And just as he was getting broccoli for the soup, he heard someone calling him. ‘Yo, Frank!’ He turned around and saw his friend Shaun with a green basket buying groceries.

‘Shaun! What’s up, man?!’ Frank went for a warm hug, which was very much welcomed. Frank didn’t remember when was the last time he saw him, but it was probably at one of Hambone’s hangouts. And he did notice there was something off about him, like he was sad or concerned about something. ‘What you been up to?’

‘Nothing much. Writing. You know, kids. What about you?’

‘I just got off work. Nothing interesting since the last time.’ Frank was aware how some of his friends had _changed_ now that he had a normal life, and how they treated him differently. But Shaun wasn’t one of them. They knew each other since high school, and they were still close. So his reaction was strange. ‘Is everything okay?’ he dared to ask, knowing Shaun would tell him if there was something going on.

‘Yeah, you know – just life.’

Frank gave him a look.

‘Okay, fuck, Frankie.’ He rubbed his face with the heels of his hands in frustration. ‘You can’t tell anyone I told you this, promise me.’

‘What the fuck? You’re scaring me.’

Shaun faked a smile. ‘Look, Mikey didn’t want me to tell you, but Gerard is in town.’

Last thing he knew, he was still making comics and going to conventions. Not that he checked on him. And as much as Frank tried to pretend he didn’t care, it was obvious. All he could do not to show it, was let a little laugh. ‘Are you kidding me? It’s that it?’

‘No. It’s really complicated, and there are things he should tell you, I’m not gonna be the messenger. But the thing is – he relapsed.’

 _Shit._ Frank tried to pretend he didn’t care, but he was pissed off. Of course, he cared. He wanted to go and slap him, but it wasn’t his job anymore. Gerard clearly didn’t care when Frank was at his worse, in fact, it had been his fault.

So why should Frank care?

Shaun continued. ‘He was in rehab for a couple weeks. He got out a couple days ago.’

‘Have you talked to him?’ Frank asked, not sure why.

‘No. But Mikey says he’s having a hard time.’

‘Well –’ It hurt Frank to even think about ignoring him completely, moving on. But he knew he had to. ‘I’m sorry, man,’ he said, his voice breaking. ‘I don’t know what to say. It sucks. I hope he recovers. Tell him he’s going to be okay? That I say hi? Sorry, man. I can’t do it. I shouldn’t be the one apologizing.’

‘Can you just stop being so damn proud for once?’

‘Am I the one who’s being proud? At least I didn’t break up a band out of nowhere just because I couldn’t deal with my ex.’

There was silence. Shaun knew people were listening, so he didn’t say anything. ‘Look, whatever happened between you two, it’s not my business. And maybe it was wrong of me to tell you this, but I’m only telling you because I know you could help.’

‘He’s not my problem anymore. And I need to go pick my kids up.’ Frank was clearly stressed and angry, as much he tried to hide it.

‘Fine.’ Shaun paused. ‘It was nice seeing you.’

‘Yeah –’ They just waved goodbye and left, but Frank couldn’t stop thinking about Gerard. He was already moving on, finally had found happiness _after,_ and he had to come back.

_Fuck Gerard_ , he thought.

***

Later that day, he tried to distract himself by playing with the kids, and took them out for ice cream, and to the play place. But when they came home, he couldn’t keep it from Jamia too long. As much as he tried not to say a word, she knew he was hiding something. ‘Just say it,’ she told him after dinner, while the kids were playing upstairs.

‘I ran into Shaun.’ He knew there was no point in hiding it from her.

‘So.’

‘He told me Gerard went to rehab and he’s not doing great.’

‘Frank, please don’t tell me that you’re going to go see him.’

‘I’m not, okay?’

‘Good. Because do I have to remind you that he hurt you? Of all the time you cried when he broke up with you?’ There was a pause, and Frank didn’t like it, because with Jamia, it usually meant she was mad. ‘I know that you love him, and that’s something I can’t and won’t change. But you can’t go look for him again.’

She was right.

‘I know. And I’m not going to. It’s just –’

‘You’re actually considering it?’

Frank didn’t answer but it was obvious. ‘I just want to make sure he’s okay,’ he said, his voice almost a whisper, sounding insecure and small. And for a second there, it was like twenty year old Frank trying to get Gerard’s attention.

And Jamia knew it. She had seen the effect Gerard had on him. ‘Honey –,’ she said, pulling him in for a hug, and letting him cry his eyes out. She knew there was nothing she could do. It was always Gerard before her, and it was something she had come to accept. But it hurt her to see all the pain he had put Frank through. ‘You have the biggest heart, and I just don’t want to see you hurt, okay?’ Frank nodded in her shoulder. ‘I know you guys need to talk, and if that’s what’s going to help you move on and feel better, I’m all for it. But I’m not afraid to punch him in the face if he does it again, and you know that.’

Frank laughed. ‘I just need to talk to him. Nothing more.’

‘Frank, I know –’

‘No, Jam – it’s just you and me now. I moved on. All I need is you, and the kids –’ He took her hands in his, and looked at her. ‘I like being here, our life. With you and the kids. We don’t have to worry about the house, we have the dogs, the kids are doing great. We’re a family. I thought that was what we wanted.’

‘No. I want you happy.’

‘I’m happy. I have you, you’re all I need.’

Jamia grabbed his head with both hands, her thumb stroking his cheeks. ‘No, I’m not. And we both know that. I know you love me, and I love you, too. But I know you were never as happy as you were with him.’ Frank could hear her voice breaking and that hurt him. ‘And I know he hurt you. Fuck, I was so mad at him too. I thought we had agreed that he’d take care of you, and he knew I was okay with you two as long as he didn’t break your heart, and he went and did that.’ By now, Frank was crying. He hadn’t cried in so long, he just let it all out. ‘So if you really want to move on, I’ll help you. But we’ll talk, and you’re going to go down to the basement and write as many songs possible to get it out of your system, and keep writing. Even if it’s just for yourself. But I think you guys should talk. And if things work out, just know, it’s okay.’

Frank didn’t say anything, and just cried in her shoulder.

‘Only if you want to, of course.’

He nodded. Frank couldn’t help it. That brought a smile to his face, and butterflies to his stomach.

‘See?’ Jamia said, noticing how fast his expression changed. ‘I miss that smile.’

‘Would it be okay?’

‘Anything to make you happy.’

‘I love you.’

‘I love you, too.’

***

Frank couldn’t sleep all night.

All he could think about was Gerard.

The last time he saw him was in 2013, just before they – mainly Gerard – decided to end the band. Frank tried to talk to him, but Gerard avoided him the whole time.

Since then, Frank heard things, mainly from Mikey, or online. How Gerard was doing, what he was up to. And there were a couple calls from Gerard. All of them ignored by Frank.

He didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. He figured it would be business related. They had released an anniversary edition of The Black Parade, so it was probably related to that. But now he couldn’t help wondering, what if it was something else?

What if he missed him too?

What if he wanted to talk?

It was too late now.

But he needed closure.

So he got up, kissed Jamia’s forehead, and went downstairs to the basement. He hadn’t been there in so long, he had forgotten about some of his guitars.

He walked to his desk, putting all his stuff away, and taking out the notebook where he wrote his lyrics. There were so many songs that never saw the light of day, some that were recorded, just for the fun of it, and many more that never made it, and he had already forgotten about the melody. It had been three years after that summer where he put his heart and soul into those songs, and left them there, hoping his feelings died with them.

But they didn’t.

And now he was back, writing another song for him.

He wrote as fast as possible, letting it all out before he forgot.

_It's only raining on my side of town  
This medication has been keeping me dumb  
Maybe we fooled them all, at least I hope we did  
Or maybe we were fools to stop trying, I've been lying to myself again_

***

With only two hours of sleep, Frank got up to go to work. His eyes were puffy from crying so much the night before, but somehow, he felt lighter.

He was nervous all morning, not sure why. Maybe it had to do with him playing music and writing songs again, and all the emotions inside. What if there was a chance of him getting back to music, even if it meant just playing at small venues. That never mattered to him. And the thought had him genuinely excited. He thought of calling Hambone, or one of his friends who still worked in the scene, and see if they could book him a gig.

It could also have to do with Gerard.

He was worried about him. He knew how bad it had gotten before, and Frank had been there to help him. Not that he doubted that he could do it without him now, but he just had to make sure he was doing okay. He would never forgive himself if something happened and he never told him everything he needed to say.

And he wanted him back in his life. Even if it was just as friends.

The possibility of him being in his life again made him nervous.

He wasn’t sure if he was ready for it, or if he’d let him in. He had hurt Frank a lot. How could he just let him in, and wait for the next time he left him? Frank couldn’t take that.

He didn’t know if he should just forgive him, as much as he loved him and missed him. And even if he did, they were both married now and living in opposite coasts. That would never work. Not that he even considered he was a choice for Gerard. He had already made his clear, and it wasn’t Frank.

Fuck him.

Frank should just move on.

‘Everything okay?’ his coworker Taylor asked, washing the blenders and noticing Frank seemed off.

‘Yeah – you mind if I take a smoke break?’ He didn’t even wait for the answer and walked outside. One of the perks of being assistant manager was that he didn’t need permission to do it.

He went through three cigarettes, still not sure about what he should do. He just needed to see if he was okay. He could just ask Mikey or even Donna. But Frank needed to hear _his_ voice. That was the only thing that would make things better.

His mind was making up excuses for him not to call. He didn’t have Gerard’s number, he thought, though he was sure he hadn’t changed it. As much as Gerard loved to change his looks or his aesthetic, and going from one project to the next, Frank knew he hated change in his personal life.

So he just had to try it.

If someone else answered the phone, he’d take it as a sign.

 _But what if it’s her, what if she answers the phone?_ he thought.

Then, he’d be screwed. No, he could just tell her the truth, he wanted to check on his _friend._ Just the thought of her treating him like shit in his worst moment made his stomach turn, and that was all he needed to do something. _Fuck it,_ he whispered and called the phone number he hadn't called in ages, but still had saved in his contacts.

It beeped. He lit another cigarette, too anxious to deal with it. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea. And just when he was about to hang up after the third beep, he heard a familiar voice.

‘Frankie?’

And Frank couldn’t say anything. Just the sound of Gerard’s voice on the other side, sad and lost, reminded him of how bad he was back in 2004, and it was enough for him to start sobbing his eyes out.

He sat in the steps of the back alley, sobbing.

‘Frankie, I’m okay,’ he said, knowing exactly why he was crying, but all Frank could think was those days when he found him passed out in the middle of a parking lot, or puking his brains out. Or when he thought he had disappeared and killed himself. He couldn’t imagine his life without Gerard.

‘I miss you, motherfucker,’ Frank said between sobs.

‘I miss you too. And I’m so sorry for everything.’ Gerard sounded like he was crying too, his tone apologetic.

‘Gee –’

‘No, I hurt you. And I shouldn’t have broken up the band, and we should have talked before –’

‘That doesn’t matter anymore. All that matters is that you are okay.’

Gerard hesitated, and there was a long pause, which answered the question. ‘I’m fine,’ he said, finally. ‘I’m staying in the basement.’

Frank couldn’t help laughing. All the memories came flooding of them hanging out in Gerard’s basement room, and when Frank joined the band. ‘If those walls could talk.’

‘Right?’

‘Remember when we got so drunk and I crashed?’

‘You mean our first kiss?’ Gerard said, laughing.

‘I wouldn’t call it kissing. We made out.’ He paused. ‘But I knew it then. That even if we didn’t end up together, you’d be the one I’d never forget.’

Gerard laughed nervously on the other side. ‘You mean there’s no hope anymore?’

‘Is there?’

Frank didn’t want to get excited. He knew the risk. As far as he knew, Gerard was still with Lindsey, and she would never allow it. Besides, the kids were older now. How was he supposed to explain he was with Gerard too? Not that there was a chance.

‘How are you, Frankie?’

He could never get over Gerard calling him Frankie. Not even after twenty years. And that send shivers down his spine. ‘I’m – good.’

‘Are you?’

No one knew him like Gerard. Not even Jamia. He couldn’t lie to him. ‘I think so. I’m trying, at least.’

‘I’m glad,’ Gerard said, being interrupted by Frank right away.

‘Hey, you wanna go somewhere?’ he asked, mumbling behind his hands. ‘I feel like we have a lot to catch up on, and I need to get back to work now.’

‘Wait, work?’

‘Yeah,’ Frank replied with a giggle. ‘Work. So? Tomorrow? I have the day off, and –’

Gerard didn’t even let him finish. ‘Sure. You wanna go eat to the old diner we went to when you were in college?’

Frank couldn’t believe he remembered that, let alone that they could go back. ‘Sounds like a plan.’

‘I can’t wait to see you again. I’ve missed you so much.’

‘Me too, Gee. And I’m glad that you’re still around. I don’t think I could do it without you.’

***

Surprisingly enough, the diner was still open for business. And surprisingly enough, it looked exactly the same as when Frank was in school.

When he walked in, he felt like he had traveled back in time, and he was just a pothead kid in college, with his dreads, and smelling like an ashtray. The diner was just a couple blocks away from Rutgers, so after school, he’d go there for a cheap cup of coffee, and because back then, he could smoke inside. And then, Gerard would always show up after work, and they’d talk and he’d show Frank his drawings, and when the diner was empty, they’d sneak a kiss or two in between. And there he was, sitting at their old booth, his hair just as greasy, but now longer and showing some gray hairs. He was wearing an oversize gray hoodie, and from a distance, he could see his hand shaking as he held the cup of coffee to his lips. He looked so different from the Gerard he had seen last many years ago, but it was still his Gee.

‘Hi,’ Frank greeted him as he approached, and Gerard didn’t even wait to throw himself at him in a hug.

‘I missed you.’

‘I miss you, too,’ Frank said, holding him tight.

They stayed like that and Frank had to remind himself not to kiss him in front of everyone.

‘You look good,’ Frank said, knowing that would make him blush, and that he loved when Frank gave him compliments, and because it was true. He was fucking hot, actually. The beard suited him well. But again, Gerard would always look hot in Frank’s eyes.

‘You don’t have to lie,’ Gerard said, effectively blushing.

‘You know I’m not lying.’

‘I just came out of rehab. I look like shit, I know.’

‘You don’t. You’ll always be beautiful to me.’

They finally sat down, and a waitress approached to get their order. Two coffees, large order of hash browns for Frank, and a turkey sandwich for Gerard.

‘You look great too,’ Gerard added, admiring Frank’s eyes, and his shy smile, which always made him weak. He looked so different too, his hair short, and the scruff, giving him a more mature look. But his eyes were just as innocent as that first day when they met. And fuck, they did things to Gerard. ‘What have you been up to? What do you do now?’

Frank smiled.

‘Let me guess – you’re either a music producer, or you write anonymous poetry online.’

That made Frank laugh. ‘I wish. No, I’m an assistant manager at Starbucks.’

‘What?! No –’ Gerard said, surprised. ‘What the fuck, Frank? Please, tell me you at least keep making music in some form. You have a band or something?’

Frank shook his head. ‘I wrote some songs, after – you know, the breakup. Just let it all out. And then I just felt I couldn’t do it. It wasn’t the same without you and the guys.’

Gerard looked at him with a frown. ‘But why? If anything, you’re the most talented one here. Your whole life revolves around music.’

‘Not anymore.’

‘Look, Frank – I’m so sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to end everything, and I thought it was just going to get harder with us not being together, and I was going through some shit.’

Frank didn’t answer. Instead, he reached for his hand and locked his tattooed fingers with Gerard’s. it came naturally, even after all those years. ‘Don’t worry. I’m fine now. Maybe it was for the best.’

‘But – you stopped making music! That’s not good.’

‘I don’t know. But I got to be there to see the kids grow up. We survived, it’s okay.’

‘But I hurt you.’ Gerard’s eyes were wet, and his voice quivering. ‘That’s _not_ okay.’

‘I know. But I’ve hurt you before. When we promised to be together forever, and then I got married.’

‘But you were doing the right thing. We could have never – and you and Jamia had been together forever, and you wanted kids. I knew that.’

‘Just like I knew you’d find someone too.’

There was a heavy silence. Out of nowhere, Gerard felt it wasn’t right and they shouldn’t be holding hands, so he pulled his. ‘There’s something you need to know,’ he said, and the air turned tense. Frank didn’t say anything, and just waited for whatever Gerard was about to say. ‘We got divorced.’

The news hit Frank like a wave. He didn’t know how to react. Should he be celebrating? Feeling bad for him? ‘I –’ He paused before he said the wrong thing. _Fucking finally._ ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Why though?’

‘Because – as much as I hated her, I respect you, and I don’t want you to go through this, or Bandit to go through what I did.’

All Gerard could do was nod. ‘I appreciate that.’

‘But it felt great to admit that I hate her.’ Gerard couldn’t help but laugh at that, his loud nasal laugh that sounded so ridiculous, but Frank loved. And then, they were both laughing their heads off.

‘She _is_ a bitch,’ Gerard admitted. ‘That does feel good.’

‘I know, right?’ There was another silence. ‘Was that why you –’

The older man shook his head. ‘No. Actually it felt great at first. I was relieved, finally. But you know – I don’t do well on my own.’ Frank reached for his hand again. ‘My anxiety got bad, and I just couldn’t do it. And alcohol was there.’

‘You know you could have called me, right?’

‘I almost did,’ Gerard said, almost apologizing. ‘But it wasn’t fair. To you and Jamia. My failed relationship is no excuse to ruin yours.’

‘You wouldn’t ruin anything. You know she’s okay.’

‘But, I just couldn’t. I didn’t have the guts to face you after leaving you, just like that.’

‘Gee –,’ he stopped him. ‘You know that wouldn’t have mattered. If you need me, you can tell me.’

‘I need you.’

***

They talked for a little longer at the diner, up until Gerard mentioned he needed to pick up something. ‘Where’s your car?’ Frank asked once they stepped outside.

‘I don’t have one here.’ Frank looked at him. ‘I got out of rehab three days ago. All I’ve done is be locked in my room. I only got up from bed to see you.’

Frank couldn’t help it. Right there and then, he leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth, not caring about who had seen them. ‘I love you,’ he whispered, hoping that would help him.

‘I love you, too, Frankie. And I never stopped loving you.’ He hugged him, knowing how much Frank needed it too. ‘I’m sorry I left you.’

‘You’re here now.’ They stayed like that for a minute or two, not saying a word. ‘Hey – Jam is taking the kids with her parents, so I have all day.’

‘I was hoping you’d say that.’

Frank laughed and then led him to his car. Just like in the old days, he let Gerard pick the music, so it was Bowie and musical theater. It took him to the days where he would give him a ride home after a Pencey show, and them hiding their feelings, even though it was obvious.

They stopped at the drugstore to pick up Gerard’s prescription, and Frank got two tubs of ice cream while he waited. They sat in the car, eating it, and talking. ‘So – how is B?’ he asked.

‘She’s doing good, I think.’ He didn’t sound so convinced. ‘Mikey talked to her while I was still in rehab. He said she’s staying with him next weekend, when Lynz has that thing – so I have to get my shit together before I see her.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s okay. I remember what you told me – about when you grow up, with your mom and all. I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want her to hate me or think of me as an addict.’

It hurt Frank to see him like that, to see things from the other side. ‘She’ll still love you. And you both have to learn that you’re sick, and that you're gonna need some time. But you’re not alone.’

Gerard nodded, and Frank leaned in to kiss him. ‘Thank you for always being there.’

‘Hey, it takes a mess to love a wreck, huh? We get each other. No one will love you like I do.’

‘I know,’ Gerard said. ‘And no one loves you like I do.’

‘I know. But I wouldn’t mind you showing it more often.’

Gerard left the now empty tub to the side, inside the plastic bag and pulled Frank for a kiss, slipping in his tongue, while his other hand rested on the side of his stomach, his thumb stroking his left sparrow tattoo. ‘You want to come over to my parents’ house?’ he asked laughing. ‘For all times’ sake?’

The younger man giggled. ‘You know I’d go anywhere with you.’

‘Let’s go then.’

Frank hadn’t been to the Ways’ house in ages, but he still remembered how to get there. He knew the way by heart, the way you know how to get to your favorite place. And even though it looked different after all these years, the feeling of excitement was the same. The butterflies in his stomach knowing he’d be with Gerard in their own little bubble and that nothing else mattered.

Just like fifteen years ago, Gerard led him to the back entrance, and down the stairs that led to the door to his basement. Frank giggled because he felt young again, and let the older man push him to the wall and kiss him.

He let him take off his clothes and suck on his neck and every one of his tattoos. ‘I love you,’ Gerard whispered and then kissed the sparrow tattoos, acknowledging they were for him, and taking advantage of the power he still had on Frank.

He knew how to treat him, how to make him beg and break him apart, make him feel everything. He knew how to make Frank open up, in every sense.

And Frank missed that. He missed the way he owned him and he knew exactly what to do to take him to the edge. Or how their bodies belonged together, and everything made sense under him. How nothing else mattered, and he didn’t feel broken around Gerard.

Gerard thrusted in and out, breathing in Frank’s neck until the tattooed man was nothing but feelings and he moaned so loud, Gerard had to shut him up with a wet kiss.

‘I love you, Frankie,’ he whispered and then came inside him, and they didn’t move for the longest time, just giggled at the whole situation.

‘Promise me we’ll be together forever,’ Frank mumbled, cuddling next to Gerard. ‘In some way or another. I can’t stand losing you again.’

‘Forever.’

Frank kissed his neck and stayed there, breathing at the same pace as Gerard, just like they used to.

They talked for hours, catching up on the last couple years, and Gerard tried to convince him that he should make music again. ‘Actually, I wrote some songs the other day,’ he said. ‘And it felt good.’

‘That makes me happy,’ Gerard replied.

His parents begged that he stayed for dinner, like in the old days, and Frank felt right at home. Donna and he smoked and talked about Gerard, even though he was right there. They shared looks, and Frank promised to stay in touch and make sure Gerard remained sober.

‘We trust you, hun,’ Donna told him.

And then, it was time for him to go. ‘Thanks for calling me,’ Gerard said. There were two or three feet between them but neither wanted to get closer.

‘Of course. I’m glad you’re okay.’

‘I’m trying.’

No one said a word for a minute. And then, Frank walked up to Gerard and kissed him soft on the lips. ‘Please call me if you need anything. Or just to talk.’

‘Thank you. I might need it.’

Frank nodded. ‘Please, don’t leave me again.’

‘I won’t.’

They kissed again, and Frank ran back to his car before he chose to stay there. He had no idea why, or where were they, but Frank just needed him back in his life, and he hoped they could get together again.

But for now, he’d do everything to make him happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :)  
> This took me the longest time to write, but finally! It's based of Frank's new LP, especially Record Ender  
> Hope you guys liked it, and please let me know :)


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